對霎哈嘉新娘的談話

*** 對霎哈嘉新娘的談話 ***

我很高興看到妳們都穿著這麼漂亮的新娘禮服，而且又是容光煥發的來準備結婚，妳必須保持這種心情，妳應該要是一個快樂的人，而且也要試著讓妳的丈夫也快樂，妳的愉悅可以帶給小孩子快樂。

我必須先提醒妳一件事：不要告訴妳丈夫任何妳過去所犯的過錯。這是沒有必要的，因為現在妳是一個霎哈嘉練習者，妳是一個已轉化的人，過去發生的都已成為過去，妳不必再去提它或告訴妳丈夫，只需要談現在及未來。所以妳要聰明一點，正是妳的聰明來決定是否有一個快樂的婚姻。假如妳傻呼呼的，沒有任何智慧，那麼婚姻將會失敗。

有些女人掌控丈夫太過度，是沒有必要去掌控丈夫。妳應該用愛來取代掌控，最好的掌控方法就是去愛妳的丈夫、照顧他、(為他)做所有需要的一切。不要去炫耀妳是來自一個更高尚的社會、家庭或是文化背景，只有妳本身可以展現出妳是一個真正的好人，只有妳的善良可以贏得他的心。

是妻子來決定婚姻的成敗！我必須很直接了當來說：假如妳對這個婚姻仍然有些存疑，或妳仍然認為這不是一個很好的配對，那麼妳應該現在立即退出婚禮，之後妳就不應該不斷地找妳丈夫的缺點。要明瞭男人是男人，女人是女人，男人無法變成女人。但是妳可能讓他們了解到女人是必須被尊重的，要如何做呢？妳必須注意自己的行為，假如妳的行為是合宜的，那麼他們就會敬重妳。但假如妳的行為是幼稚的，或有攻擊性的，沒有一個男人會欣賞一個咄咄逼人的女人，所以妳不要有這樣的行為。無論妳丈夫講什麼，妳都應該同意而且聽從他。當然大原則要堅持，但是不要在一些小事、小細節上去支配妳丈夫，這不是一個女霎哈嘉練習者應有的行為。女霎哈嘉練習者必須要以愛、理解心及智慧來贏得丈夫的心，而非靠支配掌控。這一點是妳們必須要了解的，許多婚姻的失敗都是因為(一方的過度)掌控。

第二點要了解的是：原本妳就會依戀妳的父母、原生的家庭及國家，但從現在開始，忘掉它！要依附連結到妳丈夫的家庭、妳的丈夫及他周遭的一切，因為假如妳仍然依戀妳的原生家庭，那麼會破壞妳和丈夫之間的關係，我知道許多夫妻的婚姻失敗就是因為這一點。有一個例子，這位妻子因為她父親生意失敗，而一直很擔心她的父親，結果她的生活變得非常悲慘。她的丈夫離她而去，她陷入困境後只能回去她父親那裡，之後她才發現住在娘家是何等的艱辛。

所以婚後妳丈夫的家將是妳的家、妳的房子。妳不用試圖找其他人來幫妳，只有妳可以幫妳自己。我們現在就有一些女孩的不幸經歷，她們離開丈夫，帶著小孩回到她(父母)家，她父母的家庭要照顧他們一輩子嗎？誰將照顧他們呢？所以要用妳的大腦，不要去炫耀妳是比較優等或是高級或是比較如何，要講一些謙虛的話，越謙虛越好。自大並不適合妳，自大的人看起來就不是很和善，所以最好是表現謙虛及和善，來證明妳是有良善本質的人。

第二項該注意的是：因為妳來自西方世界，西方的婦女是非常金錢取向，甚至印度人也變得這樣。她們想要有一部車、一個房子，要這個、要那個。妳不應該去想要什麼東西，妳是來供給支持妳的丈夫及妳的(新)家庭，妳不需要什麼東西，假如妳可以如此，那麼這才是一位妻子的美麗之處，也是可以讓妳顯得更高雅美麗的裝飾。假如妳一再渴望："我要這個、我要那個"，那些欲望會是無止境的......。所以第二點要講的就是：妳不應該是金錢取向，而應該是愛的取向，用各種方法來表示妳的愛，例如做好吃的食物、為丈夫鋪一個舒適的床、將家裡佈置得井然有序、讓每樣東西都賞心悅目等等。假如這位家庭主婦是雜亂無章，那麼整個房子也會是雜亂無章。照顧房子並不是丈夫的責任，假如妳將房子整理好，妳將可以享受美麗的房子與房間。所以妳應該來享受這些，享受妳為家庭所做的每一件事，尤其是為妳丈夫所做的事，這一點一滴的小事都會帶給他喜悦及快樂。因為他在公司的工作已相當勞累，帶著疲憊的身驅回到家，而妳又去糾纏他，這是非常錯誤的。所以妳必須去改變妳的態度，即妳不要去要求任何東西。妳已經有所有的東西，妳是一個霎哈嘉練習者，妳(應該)是完全感到滿足。假如妳一再要求各種東西，那麼妳的婚姻生活將會十分艱辛。......

不要認為妳是在受苦，但是妳需要一些理解的智慧。假如發生了什麼事，而妳又有智慧，妳就可以採取一個有智慧的心態、平衡的心態、負責任的心態(來面對這些事)。對於家庭及小孩，妻子是比男人有更大的責任。但假如妳是一個壞脾氣的婦女，那麼只能祈求上帝拯救妳，也拯救妳的丈夫了！婦女絕對不合適有暴躁的脾氣，假如妳是如此，那妳會老得快，很快妳就會像個老年人。如果妳有(很大的)自我，想的都是自己，那麼這種快速老化也會發生在妳身上。所以妳的行事最好是像個小女孩，她來到丈夫的房子、來愛丈夫、來照顧他、來當他的媽媽。妳必須想成妳是他媽媽，從妳的觀點來看，妳的丈夫有時候可能有一些愚蠢，但不要太在意，就像照顧妳的嬰孩一樣來照顧他，要對他和善溫柔。

沒有任何妳原生家庭的成員是比妳的丈夫更重要，這一點非常重要，從現在起對妳最重要的就是妳丈夫。這是霎哈嘉式的婚姻，在霎哈嘉之外妳可以有其他不同的婚姻，妳可以結婚十次，一旦妳(舉行霎哈嘉婚禮之後)離婚，我們就不再為妳配婚。我們以前曾試著為這些人再配婚，但現在我們已完全放棄，不再這樣做了，因為這會讓一些女人養成離掉丈夫的習慣。一旦妳結婚了，妳就永遠結完婚了。假如妳想離婚，那麼妳要知道我們將和妳沒有任何關係，妳將從霎哈嘉裡被驅逐出去。(註一)

我們希望有非常美好的婚姻、非常優秀的小孩及很好的後代子孫，當然這都基植在妳是一個明理、聰慧、優秀且善良的母親。我已經說了非常足夠了，我希望妳了解妳是在霎哈嘉裡結婚，妳必須維護霎哈嘉的聲譽。妳們可以承諾嗎？

願上帝祝福妳們！

註一：Shri Mataji 在其他許多談話中也明確說到：是不禁止離婚的，只要這個婚姻妨礙你靈性的昇進，或對你產生巨大的苦難，那麼你是可以離婚的。譯者只是原文照翻，但是似乎不宜對"會被驅逐出"這一句話給予太僵硬的解讀。

註二：江瑞凱翻譯自Shri Mataji在霎哈嘉婚禮前的談話2002-09-15。JSM ! 敬請霎哈嘉兄弟姊妹們指正。

I’m very happy to see you all in such a beautiful dresses, bridal dressesand also in a good mood to get married. You must keep up your attitude – all right? You should be happy people, and try to keep your husbands also happy. Your happiness can create happiness for the children.

Now one thing I want to warn you: not to tell your husband about anything which was wrong in your past life. That’s not to be done, there’s no need, because you are now Sahaja Yogis. You are changed people and whatever has happened has happened, you need not talk about it or tell him anything about it, but talk of the future and the present – all right? So, be sensible! It’s your sensibility which is going to make a happy married life. If you become insensible, there’s no wisdom, then marriages will fail.

Some girls, I’ve seen, dominate their husbands too much. There is no need to dominate. If you love the husband that’s how the domination is, is the best way is to love your husband, look after him, do whatever is needed, because no use showing off that you are from a better society or a better culture or a better family background. It’s only you who can show that you are really a good person and your goodness will win him over.

So it’s only the wife who makes or spoils the marriage. And I have to tell you very frankly that if you still have some doubts about your marriage or if you are still thinking this was not a good match you should withdraw now. And later on you should not go on finding faults with your husband. See, men are men and women are women. Men cannot be women but, you can make them understand that women are to be respected. All right, and how – that you will have to see by your behaviour. If your behaviour is good, they’ll respect you. But if your behaviour is childish or if your behaviour is aggressive, no man can appreciate a woman who is aggressive and so you should not be aggressive. Whatever he says you should agree and listen to him. Fundamental things of course is there, but otherwise for small, small things, you should not try to dominate your husband. It’s not a sign of a Sahaja Yogini. Sahaja Yogini has to – with love and understanding and wisdom – has to win over the husband and not by domination. This is one thing we should understand that many marriages are broken because of domination.

Second thing is, you’re naturally attached to your parents, attached to your family, attached to your country. But now, forget it! Be attached to your husband’s family, husband and things around. Because if you are attached to your family, you’ll still spoil the relationship. I’ve known many couples being broken because of this.

There was a girl who was very much worried about her father, because he’d lost the business and she made the whole life miserable. So the husband disappeared and he wanted to do something else and she was left in the lurch and she had to go to her father and then she realized how difficult it is to live in father’s house.

So, it’s your house, it’s your home, it’s your husband. All right, you don’t have to sort of go on searching another person or another woman who will help you. It’s you who can help yourself. All right, because now we have very bad experiences of some girls who have left their husband and come away to their families with their children. Is the family going to look after them all their lives?  Who is going to look after them?

So use your brain and don’t try to show off that you are something superior or something higher or you’re something more. Say something you should be humble. The humble you are the better it is. Otherwise arrogance doesn’t behove you.  She doesn’t look nice, she looks like a horse sometimes and looks like – I don’t know like what. So it is better to be humble and to be kind and to be nice and to prove that you are a good natured person. All right!

Second thing I have to tell you, because you are from the West. So western women are very much money-oriented, even Indians have become like that. They want a car, they want a house, they want this, they want that. You shouldn’t want anything. You are going to supply to your husband, to your family. You don’t need anything. That’s your beauty, that’s your decoration that will beautify you. But if you go on hankering after “I want this, I want that” there’s no end to it. Especially with western mind, they are very money-oriented and have created such problems that I don’t know what to say to them.

So, second thing is that you should not be money-oriented, but you should be love-oriented. Express your love by different things. By making good food, by making a good bed for your husband, for organizing the house, keeping everything nice. Because if the housewife is untidy the house will remain untidy. It’s not the job of the husband to look after the house. You’ll enjoy a very beautiful house and a very beautiful room, if you keep it properly.

So you should enjoy all that. Enjoy doing everything for the family. Especially for your husband. Little, little things can – you see – give him pleasure and happiness. Because he’s so tired working in the office. Coming home so tired and then you get after that person, is very wrong. So you must change that attitude that we don’t want anything. You have everything, you are Sahaja Yogis, you are absolutely satisfied. But if you go on demanding then going to be very difficult I can tell you this much.  ......

There’s nothing to suffer much, but understanding is required, you see. Supposing, if you are wise and if something happens, take a very wise attitude, balanced attitude, responsible attitude. Wife has to be much more responsible than man as far as the family is concerned, children are concerned. But if you are a hot tempered woman, God save you and save your husband. So, hot temper is not suitable at all for any woman. If you are hot tempered you’ll start looking old very soon. Very soon you will start looking old, and if you have ego, if you think too much of yourself also same thing will happen. So, best thing is to behave like a little girl who has come to husband’s house to love him, to look after him and to mother him. You have to think that you are his mother and he – sometimes they are foolish according to your judgement – doesn’t matter. So, look after them just like your baby and be nice and sweet to them. All right?

And none of your family people are more important than your husband. That is very important. For you now the most important thing your husband. This is a Sahaja style of marriage. And you can have other marriages, you can have ten marriages – that’s different, not in Sahaja Yoga. And once you are divorced then we don’t marry you. We have given up, we tried that. Now we don’t do that. Because it becomes a habit of divorcing your husband. Once you are married you should be all married and if you want to divorce then know before this thing that we’ll have nothing to do with you. And you’ll be thrown away from Sahaja Yoga.

We want to have very good marriages and very good children. Also the progeny, the future of children will be very good, if you are sensible, wise, good and kind mothers. I’ve told you sufficiently. I hope you understand that you are marrying in Sahaja Yoga. And you have to keep the prestige of Sahaja Yoga, all right? You all promise that?

May God bless you!