*** 對家人的愛 ***
觀眾問：我參加(上次的)介紹講座，我感受到一種無以倫比的覺知與成長，我也感到我對我家人巨大的愛，但我也同時感覺到似乎我將和他們分開，好像我會逐漸地離他們而去。(譯者：這位觀眾覺得她似乎跨進了另一領域，好像會因此和家人疏離)
Shri Mataji 答：不，一點都不會，妳不會和他們分離，妳(永遠)是你家庭的一部分，但是妳(再也)不會陷溺在家庭的關係之中，這是重點！事實上，許多家庭反而因為有成員學習了霎哈嘉靜坐而重歸和好。在英國有一些練習者在參加了霎哈嘉之前是嬉皮，學習了靜坐之後又重新回到他們父母親的身邊，原本他們都不和父母往來的，甚至他們也帶父母來學靜坐。所以妳不必因為有這些體驗而有不必要的擔心。例如我們有一位原本是嬉皮的練習者，在得到自覺之後變得一切都很正常，也變成一位很好的人。他(重新)回去以前的家庭，他的父親成天喝酒，他擔心他父親將因酗酒而喪命，他勸他父親："不要再喝了！最好你來學靜坐，一旦你的昆達里尼升起來，你就不會再喝酒了。"，他的父親答道："但是我喜歡喝酒啊！"，所以他趁他父親出外喝酒時，將家中所有的酒瓶、酒杯全都打破，當他父親返家看到這一切時非常生氣，這位練習者不動聲色，只是笑笑地說："(你想喝的話)，可以去外面買啊！"，但他的父親已醉得無力外出買酒了！就這樣逐漸地，他父親也覺察到來自家庭的抗議，也了解家人不喜歡他飲酒的習慣。最終他戒酒了，也變成一位霎哈嘉練習者。
所以你必須去糾正(你的家人)，但是若你陷入家庭的關係之中，你可能不願意去糾正(其他的家人)，因為你害怕失去自己的小孩、親人。這種並不是愛，愛(一個人)必須去修剪他，愛(一個人)必須去糾正他，但是當然以一種不要太過強制、侵犯的方式去做，而是以一個簡單的方式。前面提到的那位父親，假如你不去糾正，他會因酗酒而喪命，所以真正的愛是不去縱容(你的家人)，而是將他當成一個原原本本的人，你可以看著他逐漸地變好，你可以去享受這過程中的點點滴滴。但是假如你陷溺在家人的關係之中，你可能變得自私，或只是表現出自己的佔有慾而已。但假如你不陷溺在家庭的觀念之下，你可以更看清楚自己、更看清楚家人，如此你對家人的愛反而會更多。家人之間必須有一些距離，如此真正的愛才可以運作流通。
當你可以從家庭的關係中抽離出來(detached)，你可以很清楚看到全貌，你也可以更享受家人的愛，因為在此狀態下你才可以看清楚愛，否則你是無法看清楚愛。當你陷溺於其中，你是很難看清楚的。
假如你陷在家庭的關係之中，(而不去做必要的糾正)，你的家人會沈淪，你也會跟著完蛋。所以你得到自覺是非常好，你可以用更好的方式來愛你的家人，以一種更有意義、更正確的方式來愛你的家人。愛應該是滋養對方，而不是毀滅對方。我們在社會上看到的所謂愛小孩，往往只是溺愛他們、寵壞他們。假如你愛你太太超過一個界限，那她會變成一個潑婦。假如你愛你先生超過限度，那他可能變成酒鬼。正確的愛絕對會去糾正對方的。像在英國有的婦女說："因為我愛我的丈夫，所以我讓他去做他喜歡的。假如他想有個情婦，那就讓他有個情婦，因為我是愛他的！"，這種以愛為名，而没有任何自尊的行為，其實是非常荒謬的。
註一：
江瑞凱摘譯自Shri Mataji 在公開演講之後的後續工作坊(Workshop)的談話1985-03-17. JSM ! 敬請霎哈嘉兄弟姊妹們指正.
Any other
question? [UNCLEAR – WHAT?] I also [UNCLEAR] your lecture on Friday night
[UNCLEAR] sometime – All right [UNCLEAR] – since Friday [UNCLEAR] question to
my family [UNCLEAR] I had heard a lot but it’s also [UNCLEAR] and I’m worried
about this [UNCLEAR] Good, I’m glad you raised that question. She came to your
program, she felt tremendous [UNCLEAR] awareness and growth and she felt a
great deal of love for her family but she’s also aware that maybe she’s going
to feel apart from them – or they perhaps apart from her.
– No, you don’t
get involved into them, that’s the point. You’re not apart, you’re part and
parcel but you’re not involved. Say, supposing your child is sick, take it like
this, and if you’re involved with the child then you cannot treat the child.
You get so upset, you see, if you have to go to the hospital that side you’ll
take your car the other side because you’re so upset. But when you’re detached
you see the whole thing very well and you enjoy their love much more because
you are in a position to see that love otherwise you don’t see love. When
you’re involved you don’t see anything. – Maybe we feel as though we may drift
away from… – No, no, not at all, not at all, not at all. on the contrary so
many families have come round, so many. You see, we had some people in England
they were mostly hippies and had left their parents, this, that – they all went
back to their parents – they brought their parents to sahaja yoga also. Yes,
it’s not like that but you do not take unnecessary burdens.
Now supposing,
somebody’s father is a drunkard – we had one hippy who got alright and then he
became very good. Now he’s doing very well in life, he’s very good fellow – so
he went home and his father used to drink, drink, drink and he was worried this
fellow is going to die after about alcoholism – so he didn’t know what to do.
So he told him, “Don’t drink better take to sahaja yoga, if your Kundalini is
raised you will not drink.” “But I like it,” he said. “All right.” So next he
went he broke all his glasses and bottles. So when he came home he got very
angry. He just kept quiet,this… just laughed. He said, ” You go and get some
bottle from outside.” Then, he was already so drunk he couldn’t go out
anywhere, you see, and gradually he found that there’s a kind of a protest from
the family, they don’t like it.
the way he’s
drinking – he gave up and he himself is a sahaja yogi today. So you correct.
When we’re involved we don’t even want to correct because we’re frightened
we’ll lose our children, lose our love and all that. This is no love. Love must
prune a person, love must correct a person but in a way that is not so
aggressive – in a simple way. And the fellow is saved, he would have been dead
with alcoholism, he was about to die. So the real love comes, is not
indulgences by seeing the person as he is. Then you enjoy all the beauties,
little, little things that are done how it’s bubbling with joy and happiness –
you see the other person better. But if you’re involved then you can be also
selfish, it could be some sort of a possessiveness, can be anything but if
you’re not, you see yourself and you see them – the love is much more. There
should be some distance for the love to work out, isn’t it.
If you’re
involved, they are doomed and you are doomed – sort of a position is there. So,
it’s very good that has happened to you – now you can love them better, much
better, in a much more sensible way. Love has to be nourishing not destroying.
Mostly you find when you love your children, so called those who love, spoil
them. If you love your wife beyond certain limits she becomes a shrew, if you
love your husband he becomes alcoholic – like that. Love always, in the right
sense, means correction. But if not, some people say, “All right my husband
likes this, doesn’t matter.” Even in England some women say, “All right if he
wants to have a keep let him have, I love him.” Can you imagine? “Because I
love him let him do what he likes.”
Losing all your
self respect, everything, in the name of love, is nonsense.
